Homeless in Abbotsford, BC

The Lady J

I will be giving a copy of this to the Lady. When I fell ill with a life threatening bacterial infection and there was no emergency shelter that would accommodate my hospital visit / IV medication schedule I knew I needed HELP. This Lady stepped forward and allowed me the use of a spare bedroom - entrusting me with a house key. What was suppose to be 3 -4 days became 3+ weeks. she fed me a good supper every day, declining an offer to contribute to the food budget. I have no doubt that her kindness and generosity were instrumental in my living and recovering from this deadly illness. I did thank her profusely but feel she deserves a public acknowledgement of her being a true Lady.

I need also say thanks to the members of al-anon who have helped me make the self journey to the point I could ask for help. For making me feel comfortable - no welcome, accepted and loved - enough to be able to ask for and accept help. But the true gift I treasure from them is the ability to hug people.

If you wonder what you can do about homelessness I offer the above examples. Time, caring, support and a willingness to lend a hand - even if the help needed turns out to be more than than expected.

Air conditioning? In winter?

I am getting damp and moldy, or at least the contents and interior of my car are. With low temperatures and all this rain things are getting damp and staying damp. Earlier in the year dampness caused by moisture in my breath as I slept at night would clear up and dry up from the sun heating the car interior, especially quickly on hot days. Even a damp towel (from showering) dried draped over the steering wheel. The good old days – of sun and warmth. These days it is damp and staying damp, to the point that I put a canvas brief case into the trunk one evening and by the time I removed the following morning it had a little patch of mold. Puts a whole new concept into “old and moldy”. Even my bedding has a certain dampness, fortunately not to the point (yet) where it fails to keep me warm.

I mentioned this dampness problem to a nodding acquaintance of mine stating that I really needed to find a warm parking garage where I could sit and read for several hours with all the doors wide open to air out and dry out the cars’ interior. He pointed out that the air conditioner works as a dehumidifier and I should run it on the next long drive I had to make. Then that 15 minutes a week should serve to keep things much drier. Failing finding the hoped for garage it looks like I will be driving around in the cold winter temperatures with my air conditioner blasting cold, cold air. ‘Shiver’

I do shiver in sympathy, or is that shudder, to think of what this damp weather is/will extract from those living on the streets – eve those fortunate to find some type of shelter from the driving rain.

So the next time you are complaining about getting wet from all the rain, be thankful that you have a place to dry out. A place or opportunity that far too many members of our society currently lack. For some of us the fact is that those old jokes about all this rain causing you to grow moss or mold – is happening. While we homeless would love/dream of a “shelter allowance” that was adequate enough to actually pay for shelter, these cold, wet, damp days many would settle for a place to dry out and sleep in dry conditions. But given the willful blindness of the ideologues in power, (many) local politicians and the public… well “pigs will fly” come to mind. Until people begin to open their eyes and see the reality of our streets and demand changes the homeless ranks will continue to grow.

Et tu, David?

Sorry David but the title just appealed to me to much not to use it, even though the nature of the article has changed. I had read the interview with Dave about the changes coming to Street Hope and had a few bones to pick with Dave. However, with that old Russian proverb “The wise man says ‘I am looking for the truth’ and the fool ‘I have found the truth’” in mind I knew I needed to seek out truth by speaking to Dave myself. Especially after condemning as fools those who look at our social problems and see their particular ‘truth’ without reference to reality.

I had all these great lines and word plays in mind but in speaking to Dave about the article what I had thought and planned to say based on what I had read went into the recycle bin and I had to start over. It was not comfortable as I was required to change my mind, rethink the situation and change my planned actions. Perhaps the fear of change lies at the root of the government, the systems and the publics’ inability and unwillingness to see what is real with regard to homelessness and other social ills. Worse, it would require them to think about what is, not what they think or want to be real. I am sure you all have had the experience of someone in your lives who believes something… well a little weird and have been unable to get them to see reality. They have so much vested in what they believe they cannot begin to change. With regard to social issues so many have vested interests in seeing what they want (or need) to see that getting them to take a fresh, open eyed look is all but impossible. Their ideologies and world view threatened they bury their heads in the sand in the manner of an Ostrich when it does not want to see. For some it may be that if they changed their minds they would have to take some action – refusing to see what really is means they need do nothing. Or perhaps it is shame. As long as the street people remain bums and no-goods they feel justified in their behaviour towards these people. Seeing, really seeing these people as people is going to cast their behaviour in a very different light. Looking at your self and your actions is not only uncomfortable it can be downright painful. Denial is so much more comfortable, favouring making no changes and protecting the way we see our actions and ourselves.

As I said all those lines and words – gone. The points I had planned to make were gone and will have to wait for another day, because I have learned that you need to take another look at things as we so often see what we want to see or believe, not what actually is. Changing ones mind or views is never easy or comfortable but in the words of the character SHREK “Change is good donkey”.

As long as those in charge of the homeless and social assistance situations insist on seeing what they want to see any actions they take will be a waste of taxpayer $$$ and accomplish nothing. Only by seeing and understanding the reality of the homeless and those who fall onto the welfare roles can your actions actually have beneficial, useful effects.
Think of it this way – you have a tall pine shedding needles all over your property and decide to remove it. If you insist the tree is twenty feet to the right of where it is, insist on the tree standing were you believe the tree is, you can chop all you want the tree will remain standing – twenty feet to your left. All you will do is waste time and energy (resources) to no effect. It is the same with social problems and homelessness. Your actions will accomplish nothing until you see reality and base your actions on what is real, not the delusions of ideology or deeply entrenched beliefs.

Do not try to pre-define understanding, and do not make a
principle out of non-understanding.

YUNG-AN

The Week from Hell tests my Serenity

I am glad to have discovered serenity before this last week happened or I would either be beating my head against a wall or screaming "Why ME!" at the top of my lungs. I went to bed Thursday January 26th in excellent health and employed. A week and 3 days later I sit here unemployed, a surgical hole with a tube draining gunk out of me, spending about 5 hours a day at the hospital for twice a day IV antibiotic treatment visits and with my life seeming to have once more come off the rails - just at the point things were looking up. It turned out the light at the end of the tunnel was a freight train about to run me over.

In maintaining serenity in all the craziness around me, I have taken a little point of peacefulness into myself. So as my week when down hill I could use this quiet spot to deal with what was happening. Serenity does not mean everything is wonderful and calm. It just means that when it all goes crazy I do not have to be crazy in my reactions and/or how I deal with what is going on. I was able to remain calm and just deal with things as they came up instead of being overwhelmed and not able to handle things. It even has allowed me to retain my sense of humour, take things with a grain of salt and get a laugh out of some of the absurdity of my week. That sense of calm also was instrumental in my avoiding falling into the ‘poor me’s’ or the ‘pity pot’. It is far to easy to spend lots of time feeling sorry for yourself, but that will not deal with the situation. So even though the week was terrible, the way I dealt with what was happening was a bright spot for me.

Aside: For example I recount how after he finished opening my side to clean out the infection - after inserting the tube I still have to continue to drain the gunk out of me - the surgeon said let's get you sitting up, help pull me upright.... right into a up close and wayyyyy to personal view of the table and tray containing the instruments (of torture) and blood/puss soaked gazes of the 'gunk' he had just removed from my insides. I comment on the fact he was lucky I am not squeamish or his shoes would have needed much cleaning or he may have been picking his patient off the floor. I got particular amusement telling this yesteerday at Street Hope as our Korean friends served up their delicious meal. Although a few of the others did look a little green around the gills.

So I have begun a job search, been getting all the medical ills cleaned up and gotten in some extra reading and a lot of extra sleep. These actions because I remained peaceful as things around me (my life and plans) when crazy. So while it was a terrible week, rather than being mired in problems and self-pity, I am poised and in position for a good week - by my choice. Of course I will not hesitate to play the ‘pity me’ card if it will get me a job. Hee-hee.

Personally these days I would rather make wine than sour-grape jelly.

Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is.
How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self.
Millicent Fenwick

The nature of my mind is the empty sky.
Zen saying